When you’re tired of arguing: signal that November is your break-up month

November is often considered one of the most difficult months for relationships. Many people experience the so-called “silent end” at this time. It’s not even about arguments anymore. These tend to be loud and dramatic at first, but by this time they calm down, people stop fighting and just think about whether it is worth continuing. November is simply a month in which your energy for conflict is running out.

Psychologists and relationship experts often call this period part of the so-called breakup season, which begins in the fall. Why is this so? There are several psychological, emotional and social factors that combine in this month that can convince even a hardened couple that leaving is better than staying.

Exhaustion from constant arguing

In November, it may stop making sense to argue. When you’ve been in conflict for a long time but are no longer able to find the energy to provoke an argument or develop a confrontation, it’s often a sign that the relationship has reached a point of burnout. This is not a romantic ending in style. This is not a breakup full of arguing and yelling. It’s a quiet exit, without outbursts. Your communication simply sort of stops working and eventually you realize that you have nothing to say to the other person.

This exhaustion is not just emotional, but physiological. Less sunlight in early winter can affect serotonin levels, which worsens mood and increases the tendency to be passive. As experts point out, the reduction in daylight in November can cause feelings of fatigue, depression or loss of motivation. All of this makes it difficult to maintain a relationship, let alone try to improve it.

Social and seasonal pressures

The second major problem is the pressure of surrounding events, especially the holidays. November is often associated with Thanksgiving (in the US) and the start of the festive Christmas season, which brings with it increased demands. Family reunions are arranged, and expectations of introducing your partner to loved ones come. One also has higher financial costs. As Medium points out, the holiday pressure can expose weaknesses in your relationship and differences between you that you may have ignored during the busy summer.

For some couples, November is the last chance to end a relationship without seeming too harsh right before Christmas. For college students, returning home for the holidays can trigger a new awareness of how they’ve changed. And that a relationship that worked on campus won’t hold up at home. The pressures of the holiday season can lead to a pragmatic decision: to end the relationship now rather than risk further escalation before Christmas or a forced reunion with family in an inappropriate relationship.

Self-evaluation and recapitulation of the year

November is also the month when many people take stock of what has happened since the beginning of the year, what makes them happy, and what plans they have for the future. It is therefore an ideal time to make important decisions. In moments of calm and less distraction, we can ask ourselves more clearly: “Is this the relationship I want to continue?”

According to the blog SoulMatcher, this reassessment because of the approaching new year supports the decision to break up. People often report that they want a change as the new year approaches. New Year’s resolutions, personal growth, new beginnings. If the relationship is acting as a hindrance, November becomes a logical time for them to leave.