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Can you imagine what it’s like to fake your own funeral? Would you do it? I wonder what reason a person would have to have to do something like that. You know who got himself declared dead when he was healthy and there was no indication he was going to die. It was a man who came from poor circumstances. He’d worked as a farm labourer since he was eight and never finished school. Then he left and his dream was to start his own business.
This is Timothy Dexter. His dream was kind of out of reach. Because he had no money. So he decided to sell his suit for eight dollars and twenty cents. With the money, he moved to Newburyport and within a year, he owned land and got married. He met the widow of one of his former associates. Her husband owned a successful leather goods business and left her a large estate. Dexter married her even though she had four children.
Together they moved into her estate in Boston and he set up shop. He worked hard and saved several thousand dollars. He wasn’t happy. His neighbors were richer. He therefore solicited prominent figures in Boston for investment opportunities. They saw him as a country fool and convinced him to invest everything in the recently issued Continental dollar bills.
They believed they were worthless. For a time they were, but then, at the end of the war, Congress acquiesced and the currency soared in value. And Dexter became a very rich man indeed. Some people thought he was lucky, others thought he was very smart. Even when he was rich, he wasn’t happy. He still wanted respect from his peers.
A man who had nothing became a confident man who believed he could handle any task, so he decided to write a book. He called it “A Cucumber for Those Who Know”. It was basically chaos. There was no punctuation in the book. What was it about? Religion and spirituality. But it also touched on politics. And his personal life. It included complaints about his wife. Critics also took issue with the author’s bizarre spelling.
His response was striking. He published a second edition, adding a page full of punctuation marks. It’s strange that this book gained popularity. Quite possibly it was because of how crazy it was. As a result, it went through several reprints. Maybe it was also because no one had to buy the book. Dexter was giving it away for free.
Dexter was a very special person who was never satisfied with anything. He even faked his own death once. The reason was simple. He wanted to see for himself who would mourn his passing. He wanted to see who would come to honor his memory. Three thousand people showed up. He watched them all from a hidden place. It seemed to him that his wife did not show the dramatic grief he had hoped for. So he allegedly took her into the kitchen and beat her.
Dexter died shortly after his funeral on October 26, 1806 at the age of 59. Was he a fool who got lucky or, in the end, a shrewd businessman who knew his business? No one knows for sure. But he was a man who followed his dream despite a difficult start in life. Unfortunately, he didn’t gain his greatest fame until after his death. Would he have been pleased or disappointed with how people remember him? Who knows.
