When I was in my teens, I was of course afraid of what my first kiss would be like. We’re probably all afraid of that. But adults experience this fear too. And often people who have been through the situation several times before. You meet someone new, and you’re simply terrified of your first kiss. Or any kiss, really. This act, which shows a person a very intimate affection, can go very wrong. Personally, I have feared many times that this very thing may be the reason why I won’t win someone’s favor, or even lose it. But it’s not rocket science.

The famous psychologist Carl Rogers explains that the fear of the first kiss is not about the act itself, but about the vulnerability it brings with it. We reveal our feelings and risk rejection. His words are also beautifully summed up by Brené Brown, who literally said, “Without vulnerability, there could never be any intimacy.” Personally, my biggest fear about kissing is also revealing my feelings to a man.

But it’s natural to be afraid of other things associated with it, such as the kiss being technically bad. In both cases, one can act in such a way as to avoid a flop.

Don’t be afraid to talk about the kiss

In movies, the main characters always know when to kiss. It’s just that you don’t live in a movie. The reality is that sometimes you simply know and feel it, but other times you’re not sure the other party feels the same way. How to act in such a case? Personally, it happened to me that I had a close person whom I wanted to kiss for a long time. But I was worried that he didn’t feel the same way. Only when he asked me after a few dates why I was acting strangely, I awkwardly confessed.

His answer wasn’t words, he kissed me. When I told my friends, they laughed. Because most of them had a similar experience, and they had shared their first kiss with their partner simply by virtue of talking about it. But sometimes you don’t need to speak in exact words. It’s enough to be natural, to let the person know in words that you like them and would like to get close to them. Emotions and the body will then do the rest for you.

“I define vulnerability as insecurity, risk and emotional exposure. Yes, it’s scary and yes, we are open to being hurt, but can you imagine life without love or being loved?” Brené Brown asks in one of her books. In his words, there is nothing wrong with being upfront about a kiss. Many people find it awkward. However, kissing someone and being rejected is far more embarrassing.

A lot of people are afraid of the kiss. Yet it is an act that should express pure positive emotions. If you prepare properly before the meeting, you won't fail. ━━ A lot of people are afraid of the kiss. Yet it is an act that should express pure positive emotions. If you prepare properly before the meeting, you won't fail. ( Source: Allef Vinicius /  Unsplash+ )

Wait for the right opportunity

Sometimes the right opportunity presents itself unexpectedly. It’s true that sometimes words are unnecessary and you can sense what your body and your partner’s body wants. But the first kiss should be unmistakable. Sometimes by “wait for the right opportunity” we don’t just mean an emotionally appropriate one.

A first kiss should take place in private, not on a crowded bus or on a park bench where you’re squeezing in with another random person. If your mouth feels dry or uncomfortable, you might also want to consider taking a similar step. Emotions may fry a lot, but do you really want the first thing you present to a person in detail to be your garlicky breath after a lingonberry from the fair?

If you feel your opportunity for a first kiss might come, be prepared. Don’t eat garlic or onions before you meet, keep your teeth cleaned. But of course, even if it’s the other way around, don’t worry. You can’t always prepare. And sometimes it doesn’t matter, emotions play a big role. After all, even acclaimed author Jodi Picoult says, “You don’t love someone because they’re perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they’re not.”